It’s amazing how 16 months have gone by so incredibly fast, not to mention the nine months before that. How has it already been 25 months since I haven’t had to be on the roller coaster ride of infertility? Before that time, it had been the longest six years of my life and my husband’s life as well. You have to understand that before we even started trying, we had waited nine years after we married because my husband was in the military and we reasoned the longer we could wait, the younger our child would be when he retired. Then we wouldn’t have to make them move around to so many different schools and have to make new friends all over again.
It was a choice that we made and almost regretted. Nine years put us in our thirties and little did I know that it would be so difficult to become pregnant in my thirties. I must have missed that part of sex-ed when they discussed how women are born with an x amount of eggs and lose them as time goes on. After all, it seems like that’s what everyone is doing nowadays anyway, right? Most people are getting a jump-start on their careers and putting off having families until they’ve achieved a certain element of success. This was also part of our decision to wait also because it took several years for me to finally graduate with my bachelors degree. Since we had been moving around every couple of years, I had to keep transferring my credits around and by the time I finally graduated with my bachelors degree three states later, I had enough credits for a bachelors plus another associate degree.
Thankfully, we were still able to conceive, but I think if I had the choice to do it over again, I wouldn’t have waited so long. Especially if it meant we wouldn’t have had to endure those six agonizing years. Yes, I did learn a lot about my marriage, myself, and my relationship with God during that time, but it was really crappy to say the least. Another part of it was that I enjoyed being selfish and being able to go and do what we wanted. It was great, but if I knew that I could have had the chance to bring Grace into our family that much earlier, I would have jumped at the chance. Having a child completely erases all of those things that I thought I would want more, such as sleep. Insert laughing and crying emoticon. It’s true though, she makes me laugh more than I ever thought possible. It’s amazing to see the world from her new perspective. I would have given up the bar scene and weekend trips in a heartbeat, just to snuggle her and listen to her heartbeat.
If you are having trouble conceiving, one day it will all end for you as well and you’ll be looking back over the months wondering where they all went one day. You’ll never forget the pain though. Your child will be lucky because they will always know how much they were wanted and never be taken for granted. If you are wondering about waiting to conceive or not, this is my story and I can’t tell you one way or another, but just share what had happened in my situation. Would we still have gone through waiting six years to have a baby or would it have been even longer? Would we have been able to become parents ten years ago and have that much more energy to take care of a baby, who knows? I do know that I’m so blessed to be Grace’s mother and I don’t know how I ever thought not having to pay for a babysitter or sleeping in whenever I wanted was better than my little girl.
Featured image: Grace turning one years old